iTeen Network

Good Vocal Health Tips!

mikee — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 21:11:10 +0000

You love singing, right? You want to be a star or at least perform at your best? I am constantly amazed at how badly many singers treat their voices. If you are serious about being a great singer, you should be concerned with your vocal health 7 days a week / 24 hours a day.

Here are some rules to sing by (pun intended):

Sleep: Make sure you get your 8 hours of sleep a day. However, you should rise 2 to 3 hours before vocalizing.

Eat & Drink Right: Eat before warming up the voice. Adequate nutrients/lubrication is vital for good vocal production. Caffeine, alcohol, drugs and artificial sweeteners all are dehydrators and should be avoided whenever possible. If you must ingest a dehydrator, drink extra water. Chocolate, spicy and fatty foods and carbonated drinks also can irritate the voice. Eat a balanced diet and keep blood sugar levels steady.

Warm up: Always warm up the voice before performing and vocalize daily.

Support: Support the speaking voice the same as the singing voice. Avoid screaming and trying to talk over loud music and other background noise.

Don’t Smoke: Cigarettes, cigars, pipes and marijuana are terrible for your voice. Smoking hurts vocal fold tissues and limits a person’s ability to breathe deeply to provide good support for speaking and singing.

Avoid Stress & Tension: Emotional and physical stress both can hurt your vocal quality. Exercise regularly. (However, extreme power weight lifting can damage vocal folds.) Jogging is great! If you are often tense in your shoulders and throat, make a point to stretch shoulder and neck muscles throughout the day.

Hydrate: Drink lots of water! Vocal folds work best when their surfaces are kept moist and the mucus in the vocal system is thin. Keep an eye on your urine. If it’s clear you are hydrating well. If it’s yellow, you need to drink more water. Juice and herbal teas are also good. However, drinks with caffeine and alcohol will DEHYDRATE you.

Environment: Do your best to avoid breathing smoggy, polluted or smoky air. If your working/living environment is dry, invest in a humidifier. 40-50% humidity is good.

Stay Healthy: Wash your hands, drink water and avoid touching your eyes. The last thing a singer needs is a cold! If you do get sick, avoid talking whenever possible, gargle with warm salt water and gently inhale steam.

Careful with the Meds: Try not to use local anesthetics to cover up pain. Anesthetics can mask signs of injury and cause you to further damage your voice. Further, many over-the-counter cold and flu medications contain ingredients that dehydrate mucus membranes. Also, some pain relievers can contain caffeine (bad). Singers should avoid aspirin products at all times which can thin the blood and predispose one to sustain a vocal fold hemorrhage. Tylenol is OK. Ladies - avoid progesterone dominant birth control pills. These can damage your larynx and decrease the range in your upper register.

Whenever a doctor is prescribing a treatment, remind him or her that you are a singer. It is possible there might be a more voice-friendly alternative medicine.

Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up

mikee — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 19:55:45 +0000

After a failed attempt at becoming a solo artist, Nicole Scherzinger decided to regroup with her four backup dancers and continue on with the Pussycat Dolls. On “When I Grow Up,” she still seems to be the only one providing any distinguishable vocals, which disappoints me. Other members of the group, like Melody Thornton, have proven they are capable of singing. They could at least allow the rest of the dolls to sing backup vocals.

With that said, Nicole didn’t come back to an actual group. She’s just releasing more solo material with some high-profile backup dancers at her side. But she’s still a fantastic vocalist. Her voice bends and twists to fit the different tones and moods of the song; never sounding weak and always having personality. It makes me wonder if she’s the only one who sings because it’s written somewhere in their contracts, or if she’s just that much better than the rest of the group.

With the vocals aside, Darkchild served it up hot with this one. The beat is a danceable, guitar driven club banger with some synths jumping in at the chorus to give some modern flavor to the song. The lyrics are fun and have the same conceited nature as “Don’t Cha” and most of their songs afterward. The cliché, “Be careful what you wish for / ‘Cause you just might get it,” seems to be the strongest line of all, but doesn’t exactly fit the tone of the song.

After hearing it, I feel like I’ll be eternally confused as to whether or not the Pussycat Dolls are calling fame a curse or not.

“When I Grow Up” may not become worldwide phenomenon like some of its ancestors did, but it will certainly remind us that we should have missed the Pussycat Dolls while they were gone.

8 Easy Ways To Make New Friends and Meet People

mikee — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:29:46 +0000

Whether you’re attending a new school or looking for a date, meeting people and making friends can be awkward and challenging. However, it doesn’t have to be so hard. Try a few of these simple tips, and you’ll be on your way in no time.

1. Listen and Ask Questions

Other people like to know they’re being heard and that their ideas are appreciated. By being a good listener, you let others know that you value what they have to say and, by extension, who they are.

You can let others know you’re paying attention by making eye contact while they’re speaking, then asking a question or two about what they’re saying. If the conversation goes well, ask the person for his or her phone number or email, then make plans to hang out.

2. Give a Compliment

Everyone loves an ego boost. Noticing something you like about someone and sharing it with him or her is a great way to forge a connection and start a conversation.

When giving a compliment, be honest and genuine. Even if you’re complimenting something very small—like the color of the person’s shoes—it’s likely to be appreciated. You might even receive a compliment in return!

3. Detach Yourself From Technology—Temporarily

You’re less likely to notice who’s interested in you if you’re constantly checking your email, voicemail and text messages. Being online or on the phone also sends the message to others that you’re unavailable.

Put away your cell phone from time to time and take a look around. Who seems funny or interesting? Which people in the room have you never talked to? Who pays attention to your ideas? Make a mental note and spend a little time getting to know these people face-to-face.

4. Join a Club or Team

Having an interest in common with another person gives both of you something to talk about. No matter if that interest is reading, rugby or rock ‘n’ roll, pursuing it with other people is fun and gives you a sense of meaning and belonging. Clubs, teams and other groups also work toward common goals, which is inspiring, teaches you how to solve problems and helps you bond with others.

Investigate the clubs and activities at your school or place of worship. Check out the course listings at your local community center, YMCA or parks and recreation department. Form a band or a book club, or start an interest group online. You’ll have a circle of friends before you know it.

5. Volunteer

A strong desire to help others is attractive to most people, whether they’re looking for a friend or a date. It’s also extremely appealing to colleges and scholarship programs. Channeling this desire into a volunteer project is a great way to meet others, build community and work toward common goals.

You can volunteer in your school, community or church. Many teens clean up parks, tutor younger students or help at food pantries, animal shelters or hospitals. Nonprofit organizations always need volunteers as well: Find out if Habitat for Humanity, the Sierra Club, the Red Cross and other nonprofit groups have chapters near where you live. Chances are, you’ll find other teens—and nice people of all ages—volunteering their time.

6. Get a Job

Getting a part-time job at a place where other teens work is another way to meet people and work toward common goals. Even if those goals involve folding sweaters or cleaning toilets, you’ll have something to complain about—and bond over—with others.

7. Form a Study Group

Does your math teacher give super-hard exams? Is your history teacher always giving pop quizzes? Round up a few others from your class to study together each week. Ask your teacher if you could pass around a sign-up sheet or make an announcement about the group after class.

When your group gets together, share notes and chat about class. Find out what your classmates like about the teacher and what they can’t stand. Make flash cards together or quiz one another. Bring snacks and share what’s going on in your life. You’ll have new friends before you know it.

8. Laugh

Letting others know that you think they’re funny makes them feel good and shows them you’re interested in what they think. It also shows you have a good sense of humor, which is one of the top things teens look for in a person, whether it’s a best friend or a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Create Space: Make The Most Of Your Study Time

mikee — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:41:09 +0000

Your study space is critical to your ability to study effectively. After all, if you can’t concentrate, you certainly can’t expect to learn very well.

This does not necessarily mean that you have to find a place that’s completely silent and set it up as your study area, but it does mean you should find someplace to study that fits your specific personality and learning style.

Your Study Space Needs

Students are different. Some do need a completely quiet room free from interruptions when they study, but others actually study better listening to quiet music in the background or taking several breaks.

Take the time to assess your real needs and plan for the perfect study place.

You will study most effectively if you make your study time special, like a ceremony. Assign yourself a specific place and regular time. Some students even give a name to their study space.

It might sound crazy, but it works. By naming your study space, you generate more respect for your own space. It might just keep your little brother away from your things!

Evaluate your personality and preferences. Discover whether or not you are vulnerable to noise and other distractions. Also determine if you work better by sitting quietly for a long period of time or if you need to take short breaks once in awhile and then return to your work.
Identify the space and claim it. Your bedroom maybe the best place to study, but it may not be. Some students identify their bedrooms with rest and simply can’t concentrate there.A bedroom can also be problematical if you share a room with a sibling. If you happen to need a quiet place without interruption, it might be better for you to set up a place in the attic, basement, or garage, completely away from others.If this is realistic (some and attics have no electricity, for instance) just ask your parents to help you set it up. Most parents would be glad to accommodate a student trying to improve study habits!
Make sure your study area is comfortable. It is very important to set up your computer and chair in a way that won’t harm your hands, wrists, and neck. Take care to avoid repetitive stress injury.Next, stock your study space with all the tools you’ll need, like pens, pencils, paper, dictionaries, a thesaurus, and math tools.
Establish study rules. Avoid unnecessary arguments and misunderstandings with your parents by establishing when and how you study.If you know that you are able to study effectively by taking breaks, just say so. You may want to create a homework contract.

Communicate with your parents and explain that you are not just fooling around when you get up for a snack. Or, explain if you are certain that you can study with music on. If you don’t have a conversation about this, there are likely to think you’re messing around when you are not.

Surviving a Breakup: 7 Tips

mikee — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:20:12 +0000

Few things hurt more than being dumped. In fact, most people would rather be body slammed by a sumo wrestler than endure the pain and loneliness of heartbreak.

Though breaking up is depressing, your life’s far from over. It’s important to see the end of a relationship as the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Here are a few tips on how to let go of your ex and move on with your life.

1. Be Nice To Yourself

Breakups happen to the best of us. Actually, they’re a normal part of being a teenager. It’s important to cut yourself some slack when you’re feeling vulnerable and rejected. Let yourself mourn the loss, and remember that you don’t have to be perfect all of the time—or any of the time. Nobody is!

2. Accept Your Single Status

Getting over your ex is virtually impossible if you’re fantasizing about getting back together. It’s important to learn how to be happy as a single person before you start to date again.

Being single gives you the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Watch a cheesy movie you would never admit to liking. Switch off your cell phone at the time your ex used to call. Perform a cleansing ritual, such as throwing away her yearbook photo or deleting his mushy e-mails. You’ll be amazed how much better you’ll feel.

3. Recognize and Release Your Feelings

Breakups can cause a range of unpleasant feelings, from deep sadness to intense anger. It’s important to identify what you’re feeling, acknowledge that it hurts, then let it go.

If you’re struggling with the “letting go” part, try writing what you feel on a piece of paper, then ripping it up. When you’re feeling really awful, taking a nap or going for a walk can help ease the pain and break the cycle of negative thoughts.

In general, try to get your demons out in a constructive way, such as sports, music, art or journaling. It’s also OK to cry, scream and complain about how bad you feel. Find a secluded place to get out the nastiest feelings, then seek out friends and family to lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

4. Remember Your Ex’s Flaws

It’s easy to get teary-eyed thinking about his adorable brown eyes or her cute way of answering the phone. But what about your ex’s not-so-great qualities? Remind yourself just how annoying, boring or insensitive your ex could be, and you’ll be on your way to recovery.

5. Resist the Urge To Contact Him or Her

One of the worst parts of a breakup is the loneliness. Use all the willpower you’ve got to resist calling your ex when you’re feeling lonely and sad.

Though your ex may have been a source of comfort in the past, calling him or her for an ego boost will only make it harder for you move on. Look for new sources of support among friends, family members, counselors and online support groups.

6. Get a New Hobby

Without a boyfriend or girlfriend to entertain, you have a lot of freedom to try new things. Indulge yourself in some activities that didn’t interest your ex, whether it’s hockey, ballet or bird watching. Take a photography class, start writing poetry or join a club that interests you. You’ll meet new people and feel good about yourself, which will attract both friends and admirers.

7. Don’t Obsess About What Went Wrong

Many breakups don’t have a specific cause. They tend to happen when two people have been growing apart for a while. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t reflect on what you could have done differently in the relationship, but it’s not helpful to dwell on the whys and wherefores.

Instead of focusing on the past, live in the moment and begin to dream about the future. You’ll find a boyfriend or girlfriend who’s at least as great as the last one—and perhaps a better match. Who knows? That special someone could be right around the corner.

The Pill: What It Is and How It Works

mikee — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:57:02 +0000

The first time you heard someone say “The Pill,” you probably wondered, “The Pill for what?” Well, “The Pill” refers to lots of different kinds of birth control pills — oral medications you take to keep yourself from getting pregnant. In addition to preventing pregnancy, birth control pills also used to treat a number of other health conditions, from severe acne to painful periods to a condition known as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS).

How Do Birth Control Pills Work?

All types of The Pill use man-made forms of female hormones that your ovaries produce naturally. These hormones help prevent pregnancy by stopping your body from releasing eggs and making the lining of your uterus less friendly to sperm.

Most birth control pills contain a combination of the hormones estrogen and progestin (also known as progesterone), though some pills contain progestin only. The progestin-only pills are sometimes called POPs or mini-pills.

Is The Pill Safe?

The Pill is a safe option for most teenagers. However, it is not risk-free. People with high blood pressure, hepatitis, severe migraine headaches, some types of heart disease and blood-clotting disorders may need to avoid The Pill.

Birth control pills that contain estrogen have also been linked to a small increase in the chance of developing dangerous blood clots in their legs. This risk is small, affecting 15 to 20 out of 100,000 women, but you should discuss it with your doctor and find out if blood-clotting disorders run in your family. If you are a smoker, you should also let your doctor know because smoking raises your risk of blood clots and some types of The Pill may be safer for you than others.

What Are The Benefits of The Pill?

Most people find that there are lots of benefits to taking birth control pills. These benefits include:

Lighter, more regular menstrual periods with fewer cramps
Less acne
Lower incidence of anemia
Protection against certain types of cancer, ovarian cysts, breast lumps, ectopic pregnancy and pelvic inflammatory disease (PID).

Does The Pill Prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)?

No. If you are using The Pill to prevent pregnancy, you still need to use a barrier method of contraception such as condoms to protect against STDs.

Will The Pill Change The Way I Look or Feel?

Most teens don’t have any major side effects from taking The Pill, and you are still the same person you always were, whether or not you’re taking it. However, each type of The Pill affects each person a bit differently since one person’s body is different from another’s.

Some of the more common side effects of birth control pills include:

Nausea
Headaches
Mood changes
Breast tenderness
Appetite changes
Bloating
Weight gain
Spotting between periods

What Should I Do If I Experience Side Effects?

Side effects such as spotting and mild headaches usually disappear after three or four menstrual periods, but you should let your doctor know about them — especially if they bother or worry you. Switching to a different type of pill or a different birth control method, such as a diaphragm or contraceptive injection, might do the trick.

If you experience chest pain, a severe headache, dizziness, shortness of breath, vision or speech problems or leg pain, see a doctor immediately.

How Effective Is The Pill?

If you take a combination (estrogen and progestin) birth control pill at the same time each day, it is 99% effective at preventing pregnancy. Taking a progestin-only pill (POP) at the same time each day is 98% effective.

However, it’s not always possible to take the pill at exactly the same time every day. Experts estimate that the “real-world” effectiveness for both types of pills is about 95%. This means that out of every 100 people who take birth control pills, five become pregnant each year. That’s another good reason to use a condom in addition to The Pill.

What Types of Birth Control Pills Are Available?

Dozens of different formulations of The Pill are available these days. There are a variety of different kinds of man-made estrogens and progestins available, plus each type of pill offers different combinations and doses of these hormones.

Your doctor will help you decide which type of The Pill is right for you, or if a method such as a hormonal patch or insertable contraceptive ring is a better fit.

How Do I Get The Pill?

To find out if The Pill is a good choice for you, and to get a prescription, you need to visit a doctor or a nurse practitioner. The doctor or nurse practitioner will assess what types of pills are the best match for you and explain how to take them.

The Pill can cost between $15 and $50 per month depending on the type you need. However, birth control pills are available for less at many walk-in health clinics and family planning clinics such as Planned Parenthood, and they might be covered by your health insurance plan. If you’re worried about paying for The Pill, let someone such as a nurse or health educator at your local hospital, teen health clinic or Planned Parenthood know.

Are You Singing the Low Self-Esteem Blues?

mikee — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 04:46:49 +0000

“People say that they liked my presentation, but it was nothing like it should have been. I can’t believe they didn’t notice all the mistakes I made.”

“She didn’t say hi to me when I came into the chat room. I know that means she is angry and doesn’t like me.”

“She turned me down for a date! I’m so embarrassed and humiliated. No one likes or cares about me. I’ll never find a girlfriend. I’ll always be alone.”

“I got an F on the test. I don’t understand anything in this class. I’m such an idiot. Who am I fooling? I shouldn’t be taking this class. I’m stupid and I don’t belong in college.”

“People say that they liked my presentation, but it was nothing like it should have been. I can’t believe they didn’t notice all the mistakes I made.”

“She didn’t say hi to me when I came into the chat room. I know that means she is angry and doesn’t like me.”

“She turned me down for a date! I’m so embarrassed and humiliated. No one likes or cares about me. I’ll never find a girlfriend. I’ll always be alone.”

“I got an F on the test. I don’t understand anything in this class. I’m such an idiot. Who am I fooling? I shouldn’t be taking this class. I’m stupid and I don’t belong in college.”

Do any of these statements sound familiar? Have you ever felt like an imposter where you act as if you are happy and successful, but are really terrified of failure? Do you live with the constant fear that you will be “found out?” Do you live with persistent anger about not feeling “good enough?” If you answered yes to any of the above questions, there is a good chance that you suffer from low self-esteem.

Many people who have bipolar disorder struggle with low self-esteem. It is a continuous struggle we face every day. So how do we get it and how do we end the struggle?

How Does Low Self-Esteem Come About?
Early experiences can greatly impact the outlook we have about ourselves. Abuse, neglect, and abandonment can influence self-esteem throughout our lives. Being harshly criticized, being ignored, ridiculed, or teased, being expected to be “perfect” all the time either at home or at school can affect self-esteem. Low self-esteem can also come from inconsistent or critical parenting. People with low self-esteem were often given messages that failed experiences (losing a game, getting a poor grade, etc.) were failures of their whole self.

While things in our childhood may affect how we view ourselves, an experience later in life may also be the cause. Often those with a physical disability or mental illness -including bipolar disorder - feel as if they are lacking in some way or don’t measure up.

Some people do not believe they are likeable, pretty, or successful. Even when given positive information, they still see the negatives in themselves. It becomes a never-ending cycle. Low self-esteem can also affect relationships if one depends greatly on the other to maintain their self-image.

Some Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Self-consciousness
Shyness
Over-sensitivity
Feelings of rejection
Inability to make decisions
Attacking others or their character
Attention seeking
Aggression

Other signs and behaviors that can indicate self-esteem problems:

Pride
If one is genuinely self-confident, there is no need for pride; only an empty balloon can be “blown up.” To cover up their own insecurity, a fair amount of people act out pride, as if they are better than others, but only because they lack self-confidence.
Improper humility
Regarding oneself not as equal to others, but as less than others. Humility is a positive quality as it avoids pride and is other-centered, often driven by active compassion for others. Lack of self-confidence however, is often self-centered (feeling sorry for oneself and looking for excuses to not change your own situation) and it paralyzes you from doing positive actions.
Idolizing people
Overestimating others is based on - or will easily lead to - underestimating oneself.
Trying to be a perfect person instead of being oneself
A self-confident person doesn’t need to behave like someone else. Instead of leading to praise, this behavior can lead to problems as others may easily pierce through the facade.

Consequences of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem reduces your chances of success in life. It can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased likelihood for depression. No matter how badly you want to reach a goal, low self-esteem will hold you back every time. When you don’t value yourself and lack self-esteem, it will work against you and undermine you. If you do not believe in yourself, who will? Worst of all, these negative consequences themselves reinforce the negative self-image and can take a person into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem and increasingly non-productive or even actively self-destructive behavior.

How Can We Build Self-Confidence?
From the UT Learning Center (with some adaptation).

Accept yourself.
Respect your own needs.
Focus on things that make you feel good.
Set goals you can reach.
Focus on positive thoughts.
Make a point to learn new things.
Solve problems.
Focus on your skills, not your weaknesses.
Don’t blame others for your own mistakes.
Develop a good opinion of yourself.
Accept that nothing and no one is perfect.

A healthy self-esteem is very important. Confidence in yourself goes hand-in-hand with reaching your goals. Self-confidence is an attitude that allows us to have positive yet realistic views of ourselves and our situations. Self-confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally trust their own abilities. They tend to accept themselves; they don’t feel they have to conform in order to be accepted.

Beating low self-esteem is a wonderful thing, and it’s much easier than you’d imagine. Learn how to develop your self-confidence by following the tips from this article. Notice the small differences as they happen. Persevere and don’t expect everything at once.

How To Help a Friend With an Eating Disorder

mikee — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:41:55 +0000

One day, your friend is eating pizza with the works and drinking soda at your birthday party. A few weeks later, she can’t bear the thought of pepperoni — or any of her other favorite foods. Maybe she’s making excuses not to eat lunch at school, or maybe you’ve heard her vomiting in the bathroom. Maybe you’ve seen her lose weight, but she doesn’t even seem to notice the change in her appearance. In any case, she’s going downhill fast, and you’re worried about her. What should you do? Read on for answers.

Who Suffers From Eating Disorders?

Eating disorders are often portrayed as a mysterious problem that only affects privileged white teens, but that’s not the case. Actually, they affect people of all ages, genders and backgrounds, and they’re considered illnesses that have a physical and a psychological side. Though they’re particularly common among teenage girls, they’re not uncommon among teenage boys either. In fact, experts estimate that by their early 20s, up to 40% of women and up to 10% of men have experienced an eating disorder.

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Are Eating Disorders a Serious Problem?

Yes! The consequences of eating disorders are serious, ranging from social withdrawal and isolation to chronic health problems and even death. Plus, most eating disorders are accompanied by a psychological disorder that needs attention, such as depression, obsessive compulsive disorder or borderline personality disorder.

What Is Anorexia?

Anorexia nervosa and bulimia is one of the most common eating disorders among teens. A person with anorexia (also known as an anorectic) is extremely fearful of gaining weight or becoming fat, so afraid that he or she refuses to eat enough to maintain a body weight that’s anywhere near normal. People with this disorder actually can’t see their bodies in a healthy way: Even when looking in the mirror at an extremely thin version of their body, they see someone who’s fat.

What Is Bulimia?

Bulimia is also very common among teens, but it can be harder to spot. Someone with bulimia may have a normal weight, and they may seem to eat a normal amount of food — perhaps even more than normal. Despite this difference, bulimics, like anorectics, have an extremely negative body image. They also tend to feel very guilty or anxious about eating and tend to deal with these feelings by making themselves vomit (purging) and/or by using laxatives, diuretics or weight-loss pills. Some bulimics use enemas to clear food out of their systems, while others exercise excessively or go long periods without eating to achieve the same results.

What Is Binge-Eating Disorder?

In addition to anorexia and bulimia, many teens also struggle with binge eating, which is also considered an eating disorder. Binge eaters will eat great amounts of food in response to stress, anger or boredom — or when they’re feeling out of control. Unlike bulimics, they don’t purge or use pills to remove the food from their bodies, but they experience similar feelings of self-hatred and guilt. Like anorectics and bulimics, binge eaters tend to feel very negative about their bodies, and many suffer from depression and low self-esteem.

What Are The Signs of Eating Disorders?

People with eating disorders are often experts at hiding the signs of the disease. However, they will often show at least a few of the following symptoms:

• Avoidance of situations that involve eating
• Obsession with food, calories and fat
• Irrational fears of gaining weight
• Restriction of the types of food eaten
• Withdrawal from friends, family and social activities
• Depression
• Constant use of gum, hard candy or diet soda to curb his or her appetite
• Significant weight loss or ups and downs in weight, combined with denial of weight change
• Bloated cheeks
• Hair loss
• Bloodshot eyes
• Fainting or dizziness
• Damage to tooth enamel
• Growth of fine, downy hair on arms, legs or face
• Lack of menstrual periods (amenorrhea)

How Can I Help My Friend Get Healthy?

First of all, remind yourself that your friend’s eating disorder is not your fault. He or she is suffering from a disease and probably needs medical and psychological help. Do your best to support your friend without blaming him or her. Here are a few tips:

• Tell your friend you’re worried about her weight loss or his use of laxatives. Be specific.
• Insist that he or she get professional help and offer to go along to appointments with a doctor, counselor, dietitian or the school nurse.
• Set a positive example with your eating habits and attitudes toward food.
• Try not to gossip about your friend’s appearance.
• Make yourself available to listen to your friend’s fears

12 Signs That Your Crush May Be The One

mikee — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:34:13 +0000

Like leprechauns and unicorns the search for true love can seem like a fantasy that will never come true, but rest assured, you will find “the one” one day. In fact, as you head down the path of life you are likely to find a few “the ones”, that is you are likely to fall in love more than once. How can you tell the difference between love-right-now and the-right-and-true-love? You can’t really. Each and every time you fall in love it will feel like the real and final deal and it will be true.

Every relationship will have something important to offer you and none, no matter how painfully they may end, will be a waste of your time. Each relationship will teach you a valuable lesson about yourself, your capacity to love, and what you are looking for (and not looking for) in a partner. So how can you tell if the person you are with is worthy of your “true love”? How can you know when a crush has moved beyond lust and in to the realm of love?

Here are some sure fire signs that your affair of the heart has reached true love status:

You can’t help but smile when you see her/him and s/he is always smiling back.
You feel comfortable and secure in the relationship and really trust your partner not to hurt you; ie, there is no need for jealousy or suspicion.
There have been good times and bad times and through, or in spite of, them all you have remained together.
There are no major dramas in the relationship; ie, you do not test one anothers love, engage in relationship foiling gossip or feel the need to play games.
You each do kind and thoughtful things for the other “just because” and doing them makes both people feel good.
Outside pressures are few and far between; there are none or only minor issues with peers, friends, family and teachers.
There is no violence in the relationship at all — NONE!
You enhance one another, neither one of you presses the other to do things that may lead to harm or that the other is opposed to doing.
The things that make you different do not push you apart; ie, different religions, cultural backgrounds or personal beliefs.
There is no sacrifice, only compromise.
Sex or no sex: it doesn’t matter, either way it isn’t an issue and nobody has been pressured to do something they weren’t ready to do.
You know that everything you feel is returned in kind by your partner.

Remember, the idea of one true love is romantic but unrealistic. Open your heart to the idea of loving more than one person in your life, think of these relationships as test runs for the final true love, the person you end up spending your life with, and live in the moment. If you get tunnel vision and become obsessed with finding the mystical and magical “one” s/he may just pass you by.

When Your Parents Hate the One You Love

mikee — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:05:21 +0000

It will probably happen to you at least once in your life. You’ll fall for somebody that your parents don’t like. Sometimes their disapproval will be valid, other times it will be irrational, but no matter what it will be hard for you to deal with.

What do you do when your parents can’t stand the person you’re dating? Before taking on the role of diplomat, or even worse the role of family agitator, there are some things that you need to examine. You need to take an honest look at your romantic motivations and the reasons for your parents’ objections.

Examining Your Motivations

Why are you dating this person? Be brutally honest. Are you crazy in love or loving driving your parents crazy? If you are motivated by rebellion the simplest and right thing to do is end the relationship.

It isn’t fair for you to use somebody else to get to your parents. With the relationship out of the way you will be able to focus on the real issue of why you feel the need to resort to such drastic rebellion in the first place.

Do you have real and deep feelings for this person, or do you have less heart felt reasons for the relationship? Are you dating this person because of pressure from friends or in the name of popularity?

If your feelings are based on your reputation rather than your heart you are being unfair to the person you’re dating and your parents. Take a step back and ask yourself if the relationship is really worth all the drama it is causing. Chances are good the answer will be no and your problem will solve itself.

What if It’s Love?

Love doesn’t always make sense. People fall in love for many different reasons. Opposites can attract and people can find themselves in relationships that look weird to the outside world. When you find love it can make anything seem possible.

When your parents object to your love it can feel like they just don’t understand. It can be confusing and upsetting. You love your parents but your relationship is important to you as well. If you are in a good and loving relationship you will do whatever it takes to protect it, even go against your parents.

Examining Your Parents’ Objections

Sometimes you have to fight for love. If your parents don’t like the person you love you will definitely have a fight on your hands. It is important for you understand where your parents are coming from and why they disapprove of the relationship. When you know why they object to your relationship you will be better able to reason with them and stand up for your love.

Some of the reasons your parents disapprove may seem silly, others may seem wrong and some may actually have merit. It is up to you to look at the whole situation and see if your parents are seeing something you aren’t or if they are acting from a place of ignorance.

When Your Parents Are Wrong

Parents are not always right. Objections based on racism, classism, religious bias or homophobia are not acceptable. While your parents may have the best of intentions with these types of objections you need to hold your ground and not give in to their bigotry.

Your parents are likely objecting because they fear for you. They are probably worried about how the world will react to your relationship. Being in an unconventional relationship can be difficult. The world can be a cruel place. Your parents are probably worried about seeing you struggle. Their reaction is wrong but it is based on their love for you and their desire to see you get the best out of life.

Sometimes parents cling to outdated social attitudes. They hold on to ideas that are not shared by your generation. If this is the case, if your parents are trying to get you to conform to their biases, you need to stand your ground. You need to tell them that in this situation you will never see things their way. Suggest that in this case you should agree to disagree. They probably won’t like this but they don’t have to. Objections based on bigotry are wrong even when they come from your parents.

When Your Parents Are Right

When you are in love you may be blind to your partner’s flaws. Your parents aren’t so easily fooled. They can often see things in your relationship that you are unwilling or unable to see. They love you and want what is best for you and seeing you in a bad relationship is hard. Of course they will disapprove!

When your parents see something in your relationship that they don’t like you need to listen to what they have to say. You may not agree with them after you hear their point of view but it is important that you hear them out.

If your parents have heard bad things about your partner, if they have seen behaviors they don’t like or if they are worried that you are being hurt, they are going to object to your relationship. You need to try to listen to them without getting defensive. They may be right.

If you have started doing harmful things because of your partner, like alcohol or drugs, your parents have a valid concern. Your parents have a right to speak up if your grades are dropping, if you’re losing friends or if you have stopped doing the things you used to love to do. Listen to them. It is not healthy for any relationship to consume your life. Your parents may be able to see that this is happening when you can not.

Finding Peace

Love can feel very good. It can change you in some very positive ways. If your love has a positive influence in your life it is worth holding on to even if your parents object.

When love gets shady you need to rethink the relationship. You should never lose your life when you fall in love. Friends, family, hobbies and school are all still important. Being in love should not mean you give these things up. If your love is making you lose yourself it’s time for a change.

Your parents only want to see you happy. They don’t want to see you struggling or making decisions that will complicate your life. Understand that they have your best interests at heart and keep the lines of communication open. Be honest with them about how you feel. They may never like your partner but they can come to accept your relationship.